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So, this pillow humping fucking loser called me last night. And yes, it definitely WAS as pathetic as it sounds. He called to tell me that he had a “3-inch sissy stick”. The rest of the introduction was missed because I was laughing so hard. He told me he was a pathetic loser with no life and that I would see him coming a mile away. He explained that his three-inch thumbelina weenie sat right on top of his useless balls. I almost gagged.
SPH phone sex is one of my most entertaining specialties. Even though I don’t WANT to hear about your tiny useless prick, it’s in my job description to answer the fucking phone. Then the pillow humper told me about the “special relationship” he had with his satin pillowcases. I didn’t know whether to throw up or pass out laughing. While fucking his pillow, he started grunting and making pathetic sissy noises! I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in a long time.
Pillow humping loser exploded with an underwhelming trickle
He told me he liked to put his satin pillowcase over the edge of the couch arm, and rub his clitty against it. I rolled my eyes because of COURSE he does. Yuck. Then I suggested he should try fucking between the couch cushions while hanging on to the back of the couch. I asked him if he’s switched pillowcases the way MEN switch girls. Like instead of “I need some new pussy” he’s thinking” I need a different pillowcase texture.” What a pathetic fuckboy loser.
Pillow humping loser didn’t stop there. He told me he liked to press his pillow in the corner of the wall and fuck the wall. I told him his tiny fucking useless clit SHOULD be in time out, and that looking at a wall is exactly what he deserved. Tiny inchworm fuckwads like him will never be looking at a sexy, wet pussy or any tight, lip glossed mouths. I guess a change of scenery would be nice.
He was grunting and breathing so heavily I had to remind him not to um “enjoy himself and his pillows” so hard. Gross. I figured he was probably a premature ejaculator of his itty bitty sissy squirt. Yep. Right again. What entertainment! He exploded with an underwhelming trickle after he fucked his pillow over a bar stool. Ugh.
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