extra-terrestrial blog

Stella 1-844-332-2639 ext 322

They say the oldest profession adapts to anything. Mon Dieu, they were not wrong. Here I am, French as a baguette, running my little ’boutique sensuelle’ on Rue St. Dennis in beautiful Montreal (sweet bebe, you thought I was Parisienne French, didn’t you?). The clients? Well, that’s where it gets…interesting. You see, most of them aren’t human. They’re not even from planet earth.

Take tonight. My appointment, a Xylorian (pronounced “Sy-lor-ee-anne”) named Gleep, looked like a particularly disgruntled pile of amethyst-colored jello. Four eye-stalks, all twitching. He’s from a species that primarily communicates via bioluminescent mucus, which, let me tell you, makes for some truly messy pillow talk. And the smell! Like fermented algae and existential dread, even with the station’s advanced atmospheric scrubbers. But, c’est la vie, Gleep pays in rare crystals, which are currently trending on the galactic market. He also (naturally) leave quite the trail of slime after he cums.

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Zesty Zoey 1-844-332-2639 Ext 403

Kayla and I were hanging out together one day.  But as we were enjoying a few cocktails and watching a movie the lights began to flicker around us.  We looked at each other with concern and confusion as the house began to shake too.  Suddenly the light got brighter around us and then the room we were in disappeared completely.  When our eyes adjusted, we found ourselves in a completely different room with metal walls.  We also realized that both of us were suspended spread eagle from the ceiling of the room we’d been transported to.  Kayla and I had been abducted by some unseen force which turned out to be tentacled aliens!

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Tentacle Forced Molestation: I got my grocery shopping done for the week yesterday.  The cashier was so sweet, and we chatted as she rang up my items.  As her and I chitchatted I noticed that the bag boy kept watching me.  He was cute, so I didn’t mind the fact that he seemed to be undressing me with his eyes.  After I paid for my purchase, he grandly offered to help me out to my car.  I had no clue that he was hiding long multiple secrets that would change my forever.

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